hotel room ftw
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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