bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
