Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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