haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
