Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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