im having a threesome with these popsicles
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
