Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
