Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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