he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize