Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
