If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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