This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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