im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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