it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
