I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
