your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
