His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
