If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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