Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
