Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
