Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
