We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
