this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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