How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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