census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
