Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
