wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
