Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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