Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
