I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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