Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
