The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
worst night to have a conscience
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
