jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize