I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
