I got chris browned last night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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