Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
