don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
