we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
