Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
