so explain again why im purple
no
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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