Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
