I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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