I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
