Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
