I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
