Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
