Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ttyl tear gas
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
