Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
