Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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