can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
