Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
