Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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