aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am available for nakedness
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
