I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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