when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
