guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
