I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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