if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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