apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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