I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
