Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize