Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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