how can u be prego again
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
