I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
