I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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