First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
